Blessing and Blessons…the practice of Gratitude ~AK

Hey all! In typical AK fashion, I have gone hermit mode…again.  I’m back though and feeling amazing!  The past 2 months of my ascension journey have been intense, some days brutal, but I am grateful for it all.  November has always been one of my favorite months, Thanksgiving my favorite holiday.  A few years ago, my cousin and I posted for the entire month, things we were grateful for.   I want to bring that back, so I’m going to start a 30 day/November gratitude challenge with y’all and our FB/IG/YouTube followers.  Everyday I’ll post and hope you will comment and share the amazing gifts in your life.

The fall of 2016 was the darkest point in my life.  Dark Night of the Soul is experienced during awakening, where all the shit comes crashing down.  This can be triggered in many ways…trauma, near-death experiences, etc…for me, it was the separation from my Twin Flame. The pain of losing my person, the heart of my heart, soul of my soul was like the sun disappearing, there was nothing but darkness.   Needless to say, I was not feeling grateful for much 2 years ago.

January of 2017 was the year of my awakening.  I came out of the dark and began the work of finding the light.  That spring I was guided to information on the power of gratitude and I began practicing giving thanks daily.  Not that I hadn’t in the past, I was raised saying grace before dinner and to always say thank you, but looking back, it was inauthentic, programmed and done out of duty more than genuinely feeling grateful.  It felt silly at first, to wake up and say thank you for this new day, to eat slowly, savoring every bite as I said thank you for the food, to give thanks for a hot shower, comfortable bed, roof over my head, the sound of birds chirping, the rain (doesn’t happen much in the desert).  I literally spent as many moments as I could just being grateful…for every fucking thing…the sun, music, clean water, my children (even when they were driving me bat-shit crazy), clothes, money for gas, my car that got me to work, my career as a teacher (even though I was beginning to see it was not for me anymore)…you get the idea.  Around April, I was beginning to really feel happy, from the inside…I can honestly say it was fucking strange to feel happy, genuinely happy, but there was still work to do.  I was still holding anger, resentment, guilt, shame for so much shit in my life and the people who inflicted their pain onto me.  Like most of us, I was grateful for the blessings, but still holding low vibrations towards the people, and experiences, that hurt me.  One major shift that happened though, is the more I practiced gratitude, the more present I became, the more the things I was grateful for happened…as within, so without…my focus shifted from lack perspective to an abundance mindset.

June of 2017 had me beginning a daily meditation and yoga practice, my awakening in full swing.  I cannot tell you enough how absolutely transforming both are to mind, body and spirit.  Neither are easy at first, like all things they take practice and commitment…over a year of yoga 5-6 days a week and it’s still not easy, but I am grateful for the challenge.  I had also left the public school system I had taught in for 15 years and took a teaching position at a charter school, believing it was a better system for my very out of the box approach to teaching.  I was so fucking wrong, so wrong…it was worse, more confining, more robot like, more conformist…all things that insult me at a soul level and I knew it was time to leave the education system.  At this point in my Twin Flame journey, we were back to talking everyday, our partnership seemed to be heading in a positive direction, towards union, so I thought….man, I’ve thought a lot of things and awakening has shown me how absolutely fucking backwards we all are.  I left teaching fucking angry…I was at peace with my decision, knowing that it wasn’t my place anymore, but fuck was I pissed at a system that I gave my heart and soul to that gave me nothing back.  At this point, the Law of Giving and Receiving had become very clear and the awakening to the fact that our government systems were fucked up and don’t give a shit about me, or you, any of us really pissed me the fuck off.  I left feeling an enormous amount of love and gratitude towards my students, but that was it.  Today, I am so grateful for my teaching career, all of it…even the shitty ass education system that has taught me what we need to fix in this country, in all of our fucked up systems.  I am grateful for the shitty pay, gave me another great lesson on giving and receiving…also, on how fucking deserving and worthy I am.

2018 has been my year of ascension, of doing the deepest soul work to transcend the 3D reality, to align with my higher self and evolve.  The most work has been related to the lower chakras….releasing fear, guilt, shame, insecurities, etc…going deep to the root of those feelings, childhood & past life regressions to upgrade my DNA, to heal ancestral wounds that had been carried through generations, to heal all the shit all feminines carry, to move into full Unity & Christ consciousness.  It has been brutal fucking work, but the blessings and blessons that have come from still blow my mind some days.  The amount of self-compassion, forgiveness and love I have had to give myself , and in turn been able to give to others, has not been easy.  I have had to move multiple times, had my car repo’d and lost many (so-called) friends. I have struggled to get my business up and running, failed at this blog and my YouTube channel, due to my own insecurities/fears…there have been massive lessons to learn from, but I am grateful for EVERY FUCKING THING, sounds crazy I know…homeless, jobless, broke, what the fuck should I be grateful for?

I have been humbled by the universe and it has given me the lessons needed to be the badass Empath I was born to be.  It’s easy to be grateful for the blessings, the good shit that happens in life, but it is the blessons (blessings in the lessons) that are the greatest gifts.

I am grateful for the narcissists (my mother and Ex #2) in my life, they have taught me that there are others who carry far more pain than I.  Can you imagine how badly someone must feel to inflict that pain onto others with no remorse?   They have taught me how incredibly strong I am, to be able to withstand the pain inflicted and still have the capacity to love, to empathize, to find the light in the darkness.  They have taught me, along with other shitty humans, how not to be, who not to be, to always rise above, to be better and do better.  I am truly blessed to see my mother grow, through my ability to set boundaries and my insane self-respect.  Ex #2 gave me my son and my Twin, I am grateful for his role to bring blessings into my life. Don’t get me wrong, I do not wish these people the best, I wish them to get what they deserve…not my problem, I’m letting the Universe and Karma do it’s thing.

I am grateful for my Twin and this crazy ass Twin Flame journey.  He has been my mirror, my catalyst, to awakening, healing, soul liberation…to me…the authentic me and I know we are never separated. Every time he has run, hurt me has only been a reflection of him, his pain, fears and insecurities and strangely, it just makes me send more love, more light to him.  There is no separation in this amazing universe…time, space, distance can never separate Twins, nor any of us for that matter.

I am grateful for losing possessions, they’re just things, stuff we carry around and cling to thinking it gives us safety, security, happiness…such a crock of programmed bullshit.  There is NOT ONE FUCKING THING outside of you that will bring you the joy, peace, love we are all seeking.  Guess what, I’m still here and I now am able to use my Empath superpowers in even more ways because I truly get the shit we all go through.  It also showed me, who is important in my life.  The people I should invest my energy into.

I am grateful for the family and friends that have bailed, they’ve only made space for better.  The people who stick by you when the shit goes down, they’re the only ones you need…and I don’t give one flying fuck if it’s your parent, child, significant other, best friend…if they aren’t there when you need them the most let them fucking go…I promise, as scary as it is, it is for the best…for you to find your tribe, soul family…the people who see you, accept you and love you unconditionally.  If the giving and receiving isn’t equal, bail the fuck out, you deserve better.  Quality over quantity, loves, my dad taught me that.

So, let’s spread some love, light and gratitude this month.  Let’s see ourselves in each other and be grateful for every breath we’re given.  Each moment is a gift, a chance to be better and do better, for ourselves and each other.  Follow us and our moth of gratitude not only here, but at akmitch1975 on Instagram, or I’m blackbirdoracle on IG/IGTV/YouTube (I do daily guidance readings on IGTV, if you feel guided to check it out).  We will also post on our FB page…Oh My Goddess and are intending to get a video up soon on our YouTube channel…OhmMyGoddess.  We are so fucking grateful for all the support…our followers here and the likes, subscribes, etc. on our social media.

Sending you all shit tons of love & light & gratitude

AK

Grateful Goddess

P.S.  Like everything…the gratitude shift had to begin with me and I am so fucking grateful for me and the people, places and experiences that have contributed to where I am today.

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Speak Your Truth…But Don’t Forget to Listen

FUUUUUUCK, let me clear my throat…actually, saying Fuck is a great way to clear your Throat Chakra.  This turquoise chakra is located at the center of your throat and controls your ability to be confident, speak clearly and the hardest listen to others’ truths, with no judgement.  Looking back, I’ve gone back and forth between being balanced, overactive and blocked…that’s me a fucking walking contradiction.  ‘Tis a real thing for Empaths, as we absorb the energy around us when we are not in balance.  A balanced Empath knows how to control the energy, put out rather than let in…it’s pretty fucking cool how powerful we all are once we understand that we are energetic beings.  Writing this blog is one way I keep a balanced throat chakra, as all forms of communication flow through this chakra.

As always, I’m going to keep it real…I have absolutely had an overactive throat chakra throughout different times in my life.  How do you know if this chakra is overactive, AK?  Well, let me tell you…opinionated, loud, critical, gossipy, talks over others, uses harsh words…sound familiar to you?  It certainly pertains to me.  Ugh, hard to accept that I absolutely acted in these ways…kind of makes me cringe.  Yet, I can’t get mad at myself, there were so many things I didn’t know and programming is a motherfucker.  So, I have accepted that part of me and work everyday to be better, balanced, always coming from a place of pure love.  Feminines have been programmed to behave this way, this shit is everywhere…the belief that we must compete against each other, put each other down to build ourselves up is disgusting and it is up to us to stop it.

Not only have I acted out in these ways, but being the child of a narcissist, harsh words, judgments and criticism are all things I experienced (and still do) on the daily.  One of the hardest boundaries I’ve had to set is not talking to my mother.  Every time I talk to her I am put down, dismissed and made to feel inadequate.  It fucking sucks, y’all…to be so aware of what’s happening (she’s projecting her own insecurities and fears onto me) and accept that that’s just the way it’s going to be.  This is my truth…I will never have the mother I so desperately wanted.  How do I transmute this pain from a place of pure love?  I am grateful that she taught me how not to be a mother.  As a mother, I am the exact opposite and am at peace knowing this.  Listen, I love my mother, I love everyone, but that doesn’t mean I have to put up with verbal and emotional abuse, I choose to set boundaries that protect my energy, as fucking hard as it can be.
Then there’s the flip side, the blocked Throat Chakra.  Yup, been there, too…this one more recently because for me, I have always blocked my truth from others.  When you know at a young age that you are different, that you scare people and know things that others don’t understand, you tend to become a people-pleaser to just make everyone happy.  This happens to more children than you think, as all children are psychic and more aware of the non-physical.  It is a common trait among children and adults of Narcissist abuse.  I’ll write a more in depth blog about that soon.  So, when one has a blocked throat chakra, they are unable to express themselves, misunderstood, secretive and not very good a listening.  Listening is a fucking BIG one for me.  I read people at a soul level, when they talk I don’t always listen to their words because I am feeling and receiving information about them on an energetic level, through my psychic abilities.  It’s a tough one, folks and one I work on daily.  I’ve also come to the awareness that most people never really listen to each other.  Most seem to listen just to reply, in fact they have a reply before you even finish what the fuck you were saying.  Again, I’m guilty of this, but awareness of the problem is the way to better yourself.  I believe it is hard for humans, because of programming, to listen to ourselves, as well…our true selves, our higher selves, our souls.  The truth can be fucking brutal and we have been conditioned to blame and play victim instead of taking responsibility, be accountable for our own shit.

When the 5th chakra is overactive/blocked, you may physically feel: a sore, scratchy throat, stiff neck, swollen glands, tooth/gum problems and hearing problems. Ears and throat are most definitely connected.  Also, this chakra is usually blocked because of experiences (such as my own) from childhood moments/experiences.  I’ve done a shit ton of childhood regressions, through Tarot and meditation, that have helped me heal from those experiences and in turn, heal my Throat Chakra.  Keeping it real, it was fucking brutal work.  I’m telling you all, total truth, getting to place of self love is the hardest fucking thing to do…but, the reward of living a free, fulfilled life…no better gift you can give yourself.   Another thing about this chakra is what you think and say is your Karma and I have definitely paid some major Karmic debt for the shitty, judgmental, gossipy bullshit I put out there.  Whether this lifetime, or another, your Karma will have to be repaid.

Clearly, my Throat chakra is flowing today, but I will end here.  Recently, my channeling has taken a shift and I am being guided to act as a Divine Feminine Oracle, to inspire,  empower and guide all feminines to heal and love themselves…the journey is tough, but so are you, beautiful souls.  Please do not hesitate to reach out in any way…you are never alone and loved more than you know.

Peace Love and Light

AK

Divine Warrior Goddess

P.S.  I have so much to share about the Chakra system, that after I go through each one, there will be a few more tied to yoga, crystals, etc.  I will also be posting memes and infographics on our FB page (Oh My Goddess), so like/follow etc.

 

 

Sex, Intimacy and Dare I say…the Feels

Oh fuuuuuck…the big 3 of every relationship (we’ll talk about communication with the throat chakra…although, you’re probably starting to get that it’s all fucking connected).  The Sacral Chakra is located just below your belly button, is orange in color and gives us information in regards to our emotions, sexuality, and creativity.  I’ve read many times, that it is a frequently blocked chakra for women and it makes total sense, but through my journey as a Twin Flame, I can tell you it’s an off balanced chakra for men, as well.

A huge part of spiritual awakening, is healing and healing is all I have been focused on for the past year…I admit, I was carrying a ton of shit and when I began this journey to self, I had no fucking clue just how much shit there was.  Our journey as souls, having a human experience isn’t a straight path and as it spirals lessons and healing that have not occurred will continue to come back.  We also bring into each life the shit from our past lives and our ancestors.  This is where I am in my journey, past life shit and how it connects to the present.  A lot of my guidance, is telling me that it is imperative to heal these ancient wounds in order to move fully into the future, so that’s where I’ve been focusing, always following my intuition and Divine team of ascended masters, spirit guides and angels.

So, the Sacral chakra…as feminine energy in a woman’s body, there is little doubt that this little sucker needs to be attuned frequently.  When the sacral chakra is blocked feelings of shame, guilt, lack/fear of intimacy and low sex drive/self esteem/worthlessness take over.  These are feelings I’ve felt my entire fucking life, sexual abuse, harassment and relationships with emotionally constipated/narcissistic men have been common patterns in my life.  Shit, not only with men, but women, as well.  Growing up, my mother made me feel shamed and guilt on a daily basis and I continued to carry these feelings into adulthood. I now understand that these feelings were not my own to carry, they belong to the people who projected them onto me.  This is common with Empaths, we are magnets for the hurt and when not aware of how we filter emotional energy, we absorb.  Not to say that I’m completely innocent here…I’m not perfect and have had my own guilt & shame over choices I’ve made, including my sexuality and inability, at times, to be vulnerable in my emotions, out of fear of hurting others.  Some of these feelings have been put there by our fucked up patriarchal society, that dismisses the importance of our emotional intelligence.  Simple things are society has been programmed to believe, like the word homewrecker.

home·wreck·er
ˈhōmˌrekər/
noun

informal
  1. a person who is blamed for the breakup of a marriage or family, especially due to having engaged in an affair with one member of a couple.
    “she was accused of being a homewrecker”

This is the first definition that pops up in Google…I’m okay with the fact that it says person in the definition, but look at the example sentence…have you EVER FUCKING heard anyone call a man a homewrecker?  Just this simple word BLAMES women for ending a relationship…I call BULL FUCKING SHIT.  I know this is a very small example, but you all can think of a million more surrounding us everyday.  Here’s the thing though, this patriarchal programming hasn’t helped men either.

I can’t think of 1 man I know that is emotionally mature, who is capable of being vulnerable and openly communicating their feelings.  I don’t blame them though, I blame the systems, the programming that has us all fucked up.  There is a gross invalidation of feelings that begins at birth with our boys.  As a mother of 2 boys (15 and 4), I have experienced this and it breaks my fucking heart.  As a teacher, I have seen it in boys as young as 5.  How many time have you heard/seen someone tell a little boy to “Man up”, “Don’t be a Pussy, Crybaby, or the best…little girl”?  These common statements teach boys 2 things:  1.  Your feelings aren’t important and 2. Girls, because we are emotional energy, are weaker, lesser somehow (ladies, we are born feeling worthless).  In my journey, I have come to learn the importance of Equanimity:  the balance of mind, body and spirit…the balance of thought, action AND FEELINGS…as within, so without, right?  We must start understanding and teaching that the thoughts that drive the action begin with…yup, going to say it…YOUR FUCKING FEELINGS…when they are not aligned is when shit starts to go downhill.

Everything is about balance and chakras can be overactive, as well.  When that happens, you will find someone who is over-emotional (old Me for sure), fixated on sex, manipulative and/or unable to relax, to flow and just enjoy life at every moment (I’ll own this one as well).  I was always called too sensitive, or overly-emotional and I was very much, as an adult, someone who had a hard time relaxing, being present.  Mindfulness practices to be present were one of the first things I began working on over a year ago.  Simple things, like just stopping & breathing, giving thanks for little things, like a hot shower.  At first, I had to work at reminding myself to do this.  Now, it’s automatic.  The practices I’ve talked about (meditation, yoga, etc.) have also taught me I am not my emotions and although every emotion is valid, I no longer attach myself to them.  I acknowledge, accept and release.  I no longer am reactive when certain emotions, that used to be triggers, come up and I am able to see when others are projecting their emotions.  Pretty powerful shit, y’all.  I have also come to realize how fucking sacred my sexuality is.  I have my Twin to thank for that.  It is also sacred, and this have fucking frightened the shot out of the patriarchy since the beginning,because, we as women, are the ONLY ones who can connect the Spirit world with the Physical world, through the ability to give birth.  With great power comes great responsibility, thanks Spidey…my beautiful Divine sisters, it is up to us to find our balance within, to bring forth the balance we so desperately want to see in the world.

As always, I look forward to questions, comments and emails about any of this stuff I am writing about, as well as, Tarot reading/healing sessions.  I will post chakra information on our FB page, Oh My Goddess, and hope you will check it out, like and follow.

Peace, Love and Light

AK

P.S.  The colors of each chakra are important to note.  You can do lots of little things to bring balance to chakra by eating foods, wearing clothes, etc. of the color associated with each chakra.

P.P.S  Sacral chakra affirmations can begin with “I feel…” and “I create…”

 

If You Spend All Your Time With Eeyore, You’re Not Going to Get the Honey Pot

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” -Jim Rohn

“Show me who your friends are, and I will tell you who you are.” -My dear friend Lorraine Castle.

As we blog about self care, self esteem, and personal development, I thought this was worth a visit. I’ve always loved Winnie the Pooh. As a child, the cute little bear with his gang of buddies fascinated me. The antics of Pooh and Tigger really made me laugh, and I deeply related to Pooh’s struggles to get his hands on enough sugar.

As an adult, I still like Pooh. He’s a cool dude who is loyal to his friends and goes after what he wants, event if he gets stuck in a door after filling his belly. I wish that I had his determination to go after what I want just as fearlessly, but I have a problem. I am not as much of an empath as AK is, and I’m honestly glad about that. I’m naturally too selfish to get TOO bogged down in other people’s emotions. I mean, I’m not a sociopath. I feel things deeply and can empathize with people, but I try not to let other people’s shit bring me down.

Unfortunately, I have a few Eeoyres in my life. You know who they are. They’re the friends or family members sucking the enthusiasm out of everything you want to do. Have a great idea for a new business? Want to start getting in shape? Want to take up  a new hobby that could be expensive or time consuming or both? That person is the first one to point out everything that could go wrong, and try to hold you back from trying. They may be naturally cynical; they could be depressed; or they could be just plain jealous. They dampen our spirits at every turn if we let them, even though, in my experience, they don’t even realize they’re doing it. The Eeyores in your life don’t take chances because they think that everything they try to do is just doomed anyway. They live under a dark cloud, and dark clouds are terrible places to be alone. Have you ever heard the expression “Misery loves company?” Don’t be the miserable company for that human.

Unfortunately, as much as I’d like to tell you to cut that person out of your life, it’s usually not possible. We live in the real world, where this person could be a beloved family member who has depression and/anxiety disorders. This person may not even admit their problem, and therefore do nothing to treat it, nor attempt to lift himself out of it. After all, it’s not like depression comes on overnight in most cases. It slowly becomes the new normal, and while it might be pretty easy to suspect from the outside looking in, that’s not always the case when it’s happening within your own mind. I WAS that person a few years ago when a Rheumatologist prescribed an antidepressant for pain when I wasn’t depressed, but failed to do any psychiatric testing to see if I had any underlying disorders that could make antidepressants dangerous for me. Spoiler alert: I did. I didn’t go from jogging 3-5 miles a day and working on writing a book to laying around like a slug, day drinking, and not giving a single flying fuck about my life overnight. It was a gradual process, and as I was being diagnosed with chronic illnesses and my discs were hearniating, I guess it felt right for me to be down and give up. It took a near breakdown for me to hit rock bottom and realize that isn’t who I am and that I needed to get on my feet and fight like the badass I am. I’m grateful that the people who love me loved me through that, and I’m committed to loving the people in my life through dark times as well. Still, only you can determine if your black cloud dweller is worth standing by. If she’s your boss or your spouse and her actions are directly affecting your day to day ability to care for yourself or others, it may be time to consider quitting that job, getting marriage counseling, or ultimately separating from the spouse. Those are big decisions and I can’t make them for you, but changes MUST BE MADE.

SO, you ask, how does this work? How do I stay focused and motivated when I feel like I have a 100 lb boulder attached to my leg, but it’s a relationship I can’t or won’t end?

Don't Let a Jackass Keep You From Your Honeypot

Here are some tips. Look at the first quote. You’re the average of the five people with whom you spend the most time. Find yourself a couple of Tiggers. You know who they are. They’re the people who are bursting with natural joy and energy. These people are their own best cheerleaders, and they generally are the kind of people who want to cheer for you too. LET THEM. Invite them to lunch. Try to spend time with them. I know I have some Tiggers at my office that are incredible people, and Tiggers usually have lots of time for more friends, but you’ll have to curb your own Eeyore impulses, because Tiggers don’t like to be brought down. They’re happy to spend time with you if you’re a Pooh who has her own goals, or an Owl who is distracted with learning a great deal of the time, or a Kanga who is a bit of a helicopter mom. We all have our things, but I also believe that there is room for personal development as long as we’re alive and kicking.

I also believe you need to be open and honest with your Eeyore. Let them know that you’re concerned about them, but be prepared for them to deny there’s an issue. Remember, Eeyore might not be suffering from depression or anxiety. She might just be a nasty bitch, a terrible human, or some kind of sociopath or narcissist. If it’s the former, let that person know how much you love them, but let them know you need a little distance from their constant shitting on everything you do or want to do. Let them know you love them (if you do) but that you need breaks sometimes because their negativity gets you down and you have goals. It might hurt them, but as long as you’re coming from a place of love and choose your words carefully, then I say “too damn bad.” Hasn’t this person been hurting you, by transferring their feelings onto many aspects of your life? Has he told you not to go back to school to pursue a career that you think you’ll love because it’s “never going to work out?” Has he told you not to start another diet because “You never stick to it very long and you just spend all that money on vegetables that go bad?” Yeah. That’s hurtful as hell, and you don’t deserve that, even if you have failed at things before. If we try new things, we either succeed or we learn. There’s no real failure with that perspective.

I do want to caution you that everyone who wants to sit you down and go over pros and cons is an Eeyore. For example, if you tell me that you have no savings but want to quit your $150,000 a year job that you like pretty well to go into real estate because you think it’s easy and a lot less work,  I’m going to let you know you’re wrong. I will, however, help you work out the details of what my job is really like, and help you set realistic expectations and goals. If you tell me you’re going to go from the couch and P90X workouts twice a day, I am going to suggest you go to your doctor first to determine if your body can actually handle that, and tell you to ask him what level of activity you SHOULD start with, and then find you a program that will fit your needs.

Lastly, Eeyore in the children’s books is a melancholy, but loving and loyal, donkey. You need to figure out if your Eeyore is more like the donkey in the books, or a toxic jackass who will always try to keep you from your honey pot.

With Love and Positive (Bouncy Bouncy Bouncy) Tigger Energy,

-Selfish Mitch