Name? Title? Label?…Who Gives a Shit?

After I read Selfish Mitch’s post, I had to reflect about names, titles and labels.  Aren’t they all the same thing?  This prompted me to do some research.  I know the general definition of each, but I wondered if there was anything that truly makes them different.  Webster helped me out.

Webster defines name as “a word or phrase that constitutes the distinctive designation of a person or thing”.  Names…I have had 2 given to me.  Kristina was the name my birth mother chose for me.  I don’t recall if I was called it in the orphanage where I spent the first 3 months of my life.  What I do remember is her saying it, as an Empath and daily meditation, I don’t hear her per say, I feel her unconditional love.  What’s funny is I named every favorite Barbie, Cabbage Patch Kid, doll (you name it) Kristina.  When I was 13, my dad did some digging and made the Kristina discovery.  He then told me a story.  I was young, 4ish, when he was calling me to dinner one night.  He called several times and I didn’t answer.  This was unusual, I always listened to my dad.  So, he came up to my bedroom to see what was going on.  He said, “Allison, I’ve been calling you to dinner.” I turned and said to him, “I’m not Allison, I’m Kristina.”  Already, at age 4, I was confused about names.  Clearly, Allison is the second name.  Given to me by my adoptive parents, who are MY parents and will always be referred to as such.  I’ve never disliked either name, but to honor both of my mothers, AK, it is.

Webster defines title (as it relates to names) as, “an appellation (just a big word for name BTW) of dignity, honor, distinction, or preeminence attached to a person or family by virtue of rank, office, precedent, privilege, attainment, or lands”…hmmm?  Okay then, so a title is a name.  The only title that relates for me, per this definition, is that of teacher.  I recently resigned from a 15 year teaching career…so much to talk about there, so I’ll save it for another day.

Label: a descriptive or identifying word or phrase.  Here’s the one I keep getting hung up on.  If we’re cool with names & titles, what’s the fucking problem with labels?  From my perspective, here’s the problem…too many of them have been used to drive fear & insecurity, to keep us divided, believing the illusion of separation.  Male, female, black, white, gay, straight, Jewish, Muslim…y’all know I could keep going on, but I feel you know where I’m going with this.  Words are funny that way, they are powerful, but only when given the power. I was talking to my 18-year-old daughter yesterday about being psychic.  She told me not to tell anyone, they would think I’m on drugs, or bat-shit crazy.  This is the power we can give to a word.  At 18, that’s how she would describe someone whose label is psychic.  A year ago, had she told me this, I would have never said a word to anyone out of fear.  I am a shit ton of labels, as all of us are, some of them not so great (I choose to focus on the great).  The only labels that matter though, are the ones YOU choose to define YOU.  And when others label you (and they will), YOU are the only one in control of how that label feels.  Others’ judgements are simply a reflection of their own insecurities.  If people associate psychic with bat-shit crazy, it is their problem…not mine, I know who I am.  To be honest, before my spiritual awakening, I wasn’t sure if people had these amazing Clair abilities.  Hell, I didn’t even know what an Empath was until my Twin Flame told me I was one.  Shit, I didn’t even know what a Twin Flame was until this past April. You wanna talk about some deep ass labels, look those ones up.

Allison Kristina:  woman, daughter, sister, mother, ex-wife, teacher, giver, healer, INFJ (for you Myers-Briggs people), psychic, Empath, friend, unsure of race, or heritage, but does it really matter? I am kind, loving, light, generous, feisty, intelligent, beautiful, protective, highly sensitive, introverted, occasionally funny, a total smart ass, loyal to a fault…I am ME, Wild Warrior Goddess, giver of unconditional love, empathy & compassion to all, because we are ONE.  I choose to see labels as celebrations of differences, opportunities to learn something new from someone.  So, who gives a shit what people think of YOUR name, title, or labels…Shine YOUR light, YOUR imperfect perfectness, live YOUR truth and it will spread to all around you.

So Webster may not have helped me understand what the difference is between these 3 words (other than more words), but I know…Humans.  We are the ones that give words their power.  May we use this power wisely.

Urban Dictionary gave the following definitions of my names:

THE coolest girl around. An Allison is super beautiful and has many talents. And she’s one of those girls you can go completely ballistic with and she won’t care. All the guys love Allison, and she has about a million friends. Also, Allisons always have very nice hair.
beautiful, sexy, and intelligent with a good sense of humor. loving, sincere, and trustworthy with an amazing personality. a tina has a beautiful smile enchanting eyes and a great figure with a killer ass. she is great in bed and a little kinky. she is everything a man wants in a woman.
Awesome!  I’ll take it:).
Peace, Love & Light Beautiful Souls
AK
One Dope Spiritual Badass
P.S.  I’m dropping the Pink…a story for another time.

Continue reading “Name? Title? Label?…Who Gives a Shit?”

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Selfish Mitch of the House of Disparity, First of Her Name

“Daenerys of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, The Unburnt, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Queen of Meereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Protector of the Realm, Lady Regnant of the Seven Kingdoms, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons.”

As I was watching Game of Thrones when it (finally) returned to my TV screen this summer, I was thinking how cool it woulddragon be to have a bunch of titles and someone to walk in front of me to introduce me like the badass I am, like Dany. If I could somehow get her costume budget too, that would be aces.

But as the thought lingered and finally took hold, I realized that I have a LOT of titles. Most women do, if you think of it. I’m a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother of one human and two dogs, a friend, a Realtor, a fashion lover, a selfie aficionado, an inappropriate joke teller, a person with several chronic illnesses, and an online health and fitness coach.

OK, hold up. If you don’t know me, those last two probably struck you as odd. Chronic illness patient and fitness coach? Yep. Stick with me here.

In 2008, I started feeling terrible. I was exhausted, I had major stress, I had severe pain in several areas of my body. I was super stressed out and had no idea how to manage it. I’d recently married my current husband, who was SUCH an upgrade from the last one, made a great career move to the real estate company I work at today, my son was thriving, and I had great friends. Luckily, a sweet benefit of my marriage was health insurance, so I started using it to go see doctors to find out what the fuck was happening with my body. I had so many tests done, and nothing was conclusive. I felt like I just continued to deteriorate, and I was certain the doctors didn’t believe me; that they thought this was all in my head. Finally, I had a doctor diagnose me with fibromyalgia, which I’ve come to discover is often just a long word for, “We don’t know exactly what’s wrong with you, but we do believe something is up.” I even got a referral to a Rheumatologist who said, “OK, your bloodwork is low positive for autoimmune disease, but you don’t check enough boxes to be diagnosed with one of them, so we need to wait and see what symptoms develop, and here’s some pills called Lyrica so I hope that works.”

If you’re a doctor who happens to be reading this, DO NOT TELL A PERSON SHE’S GOING TO GET ONE OF 16 TERRIBLE FUCKING DISEASES AND SEND HER TO WEB MD. Also? All of them sound terrible, because they all can be.

So, here I was, just 33 years old with a 9 year old kid, in pain, exhausted, miserable, with what looked like a pretty shitty life sentence. I went back to my old standby, emotional eating. When you combine emotional eating with a drug like Lyrica and a less than ideal genetic predisposition to gaining weight, it’s a perfect recipe for gaining 25 pounds in three weeks. Super. The doctor who prescribed the pills kind of shrugged when I told him they added to the size of my ass and didn’t help any of my pain, but told me to keep taking them and try to lose the weight. He said, “Eat less and move more.” I stopped taking Lyrica, because the side effects were worse than the problem they were supposed to treat. I’m glad I did, since recent research shows that it can kill new brain synapses.

Desperate, I started seeing other doctors. At one point, I saw a chiropractor who is also a naturopath. He’s amazing and put me on a 30 day elimination diet and ran a bunch of tests to see which foods were inflammatory and caused leaky gut syndrome, which he knew irritated every autoimmune and thyroid disorder, plus some other diseases as well. It was HARD. I was a vegetarian at the time, working diligently towards becoming a vegan, having done my own research on food as medicine. Plus, I’ve never liked meat. Dr Kan’s diet consisted of vegetables, fruits, and meat, mostly red meat, preferably organ meat, and lots and lots of supplements. I made a deal that I’d add seafood into my diet, but not meat. He wasn’t happy with me, probably because he knew it wouldn’t be sustainable for the long term. He was right. I did the diet, and his testing showed that I was VERY sensitive to gluten and should avoid it at all costs, and I should limit dairy and soy. Great. I’m a pizza and beer girl at heart, but I stuck to it for a while. Eventually, I’d let myself slip. It didn’t take long for a slip to become an avalanche, and I was able to sort of rationalize it to myself. None of the other doctors told me what to eat! Maybe this guy is a quack. (Spoiler alert: he is not.)

Years went by, and I was diagnosed with Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis and Degenerative Disc Disease. The medications I was on for Lupus and RA, particularly, were nasty. I gained 40 lbs in 6 months on Prednisone. I mean, it’s pretty cool that it kept me alive, but being 80 lbs overweight, as I was at that point, wasn’t great for my joints or my back. All of my doctors said I should lose weight, but nobody recommended a nutritionist, natural or otherwise. I was talked into a spinal fusion surgery that failed and caused more pain than I was in to start with. Then they recommended a spinal cord stimulator that also didn’t help and caused more problems. I’d been on and off of so many medications that my side effects had side effects. Try running a career and a life with all of that going on. It. Sucks. It’s honestly not possible. I even gave up on vegetarianism because it clearly wasn’t working either.

In December of 2016 I had a surgery to revise the spinal cord stimulator. It didn’t “fix” me, but it took my pain levels back to where I was at the time of the failed fusion. I now have the diagnosis of “failed back syndrome.” For several months, a friend of a friend of mine who was an online coach had asking me to join a challenge group. I’m not even sure why I stayed Facebook friends with this tall, thin, pretty, positive human. Honestly, with where I was mentally and physically, the workouts she posted sometimes made me sad that I’d never be able to get fit like that. I turned her down politely many times, but she started promoting a free Whole 30 group beginning in January of 2017. I remembered that Dr. Kan’s elimination diet did, in fact work for me, even though I talked myself out of believing it. This group Katie was running was free. It was just the diet, no burpees or cross jacks. I could do that, right? I had to try.

The first two weeks of eating veggies, lean meats, fruits and nuts were hell. My body did NOT enjoy all that detoxing. Once I got through the hell though, I was pretty amazed and how GOOD I felt. The book said that people with autoimmune issues could take longer to get the full benefit, because of leaky gut syndrome, which IS A THING, so I stayed on it for an additional 60 days. I’d lost over 20 lbs at that point. I was at a stage in my life that I’d hit rock bottom so low with my terrible relationship with food and with myself that I was open and ready for change. Katie had believed in me that I could do this Whole 30, so when she told me that I could buy a 30 Day Challenge Pack from her and join her accountability group full time, staying on track with my eating and doing the low impact exercise routines at home, I chose to believe her. Money back guarantee and all, right? I would be stupid not to try. I started with a country line dancing program for 45 days or so. I’m super uncoordinated but I started getting hooked on those endorphins and how great I felt when I avoided my inflammation trigger foods and took care of my body.

To date, I’ve lost over 60 lbs this year. I became a coach in early summer because I KNOW there are women out there right now who are in a similar mental/or physical health decline. They’re where I was last year. It’s an ugly, lonely, and horrible place, and if I have a way to help someone help themselves out of it, I will. I’ve stumbled a bit emotionally and physically after a Lupus flare knocked me on my ass in September. I’d been busy as hell at work and had some pretty severe stress, which lead to a lack of sleep and me giving myself excuses that I didn’t have time to meal prep, so I started eating more sugar and splurging on gluten too often. It resulted in the Lupus flare. Amazing how it all happened almost like clockwork.

I will tell you that I am PISSED still. I’m so angry that I had to experience almost a decade of straight hell because the traditional doctors and specialists I trusted gave me pills to deal with everything. Obviously I was desperate for ANY kind of relief, so I took them. I took the steroids, the low dose chemo, the pain pills, the $2600a month biologic shots that insurance covered until they didn’t and the antidepressants (even though I wasn’t depressed and nobody bothered to check to see what kind of havoc they could wreak on my brain, that apparently had an underlying chronic illness of its own that came raging on in full force because antidepressants are a trigger). I went through HELL for so long, and it almost cost me everything I care about, and not one of those doctors said, “Hey, why don’t you try eating whole foods, and whole foods only. Eat lean meat that’s grilled or baked, and nothing out of a deep fryer. No processed shit, no grains, no sugar. Just food that grows out of the earth except for grains and legumes. Give that a shot for like a month or so, and then add back in those other foods we all like so much one at a time and see how you feel.

Why don’t they do that? It’s fucking magical when you find the right foods to fill your body and learn which ones make you miserable. Do they not know? One would think that spending 13 years or so in post-secondary training and schooling would somehow cover it. Either the way medical schools, teaching hospitals or clinics, or however specialists like rheumatologists are trained are sorely lacking on information and evidence on how the common American diet keeps us fat, sick and nearly dead, or they’re giant fans of the kickbacks from pharmaceutical companies when they give me drugs that destroy my life. Fun stuff, America. If you’ve never had to see a specialist on a long term basis, consider yourself lucky and take what I’m saying as information from someone who has been through it. I’ve sat for two hours in a waiting room in a great deal of pain while I watch the pharma girls bring in catered lunches for the staff, balancing bags of gluten and fat (lots of bagels in the mornings, Applebees and other garbage in the afternoon) on their stiletto heels that look great with the pencil skirts on their 25 year old perfectly healthy bodies. It happens everywhere.

SO this is why I coach. This is why I care. This is why everything I do seems really incongruent.  Someone has to do it, and why not me?

Gentle Hugs, Selfish Mitch

OhMy! Are the Holidays Over, YET?

1 down, 1 to go…the holidays can be a bitch, for many (guarantee more than most of you are aware of), including me.  The funny things is I always tell people Thanksgiving is my favorite, but the truth is I’m just not a holiday person.  Although, I have always appreciated Thanksgiving, because our society hasn’t commercialized the shit out of it. Yesterday, was the best I’ve had in a few years, more peaceful for sure, but still emotional.  Being an empath, everyday can be emotional, if I don’t take care of myself and for the first time in my adult life, that is what I intend to do…take care of myself, put me first.  

I’m AK Pink, spiritual gangster…a21st century healer, on a mission to empower myself to live authentically, in my truth, the life I deserve.  Sharing my story, is my way to inspire & guide others, especially women, to do the same.  Empowering ourselves is the way we will shift consciousness, raise vibrations & teach the ones we love to do the same.  When we love ourselves unconditionally, we vibrate it out to others.  But, it starts with US, it starts with me.  Putting me first, or selfishness as our society likes to call it, is new to me.

The truth is I was never taught that happiness was an inside job.  As a psychic empath, I spent my childhood watching my mother’s moods change according to external factors.  It was confusing to see her acting happy, yet feeling her sadness, fears & insecurities.  Sadly, our self limiting belief systems are programmed mainly by our parents, they rest by society(which is damn scary when you really think about it).  Now, at 42, I can see that I’ve been living the exact same way…faking how I feel inside to please those I love, meet their expectations of who I am & what my life should look like. Living a life driven by fears & insecurities.  

Happiness is anInside Job

Thanksgiving 2016 was the beginning of the end.  I was completely lost, not recognizing the person in the mirror.  5 years of narcissist abuse, on top of a lifetime of challenges, will do that to a girl.  My 2nd marriage was about to end (I could feel it.) & my older children had distanced themselves from it, from me.  Truth be told, I am extremely proud of them for putting themselves first(I’m certain their dad taught them that).  That night, I told my husband things needed to change or we were headed to divorce.  He moved out 3 weeks later, other than our son, it was the greatest gift he ever gave me.

So you would think the next year would have been better: Woo hoo!  No narcissistic husband to ruin this Thanksgiving!  It’s funny to say that, knowing now that I AM the only one who decides what kind of Thanksgiving (or any other day) I am going to have.  Sadly, this was not the case, separation from my twin flame had catapulted me into the Dark Night of the Soul, in simplest terms ego-death leading to spiritual awakening.  I was in a fucking black hole, I was nothing…ashes.  November/December of 2017 were the darkest days of my life.  

This year has been quite an adventure-some days are down right shitty, awakening is not as pretty as some would have you believe. Like a phoenix (my next tat BTW) though, I have risen from the ashes.  Meditation, yoga and writing have been, and will continue to be, my tools of continued healing.  I approached Thanksgiving differently this year, I am different this year…like me it was quiet (my kids & 2 of my favorite people), laid back, peaceful, a little emotional (heart on my sleeve always) & I am grateful for every second of it.  Hell, I’m grateful for the past 2 Thanksgivings, as well. 

Mitch & I are like yin & yang…hopefully 1 (or even better..both) of our truths resonate with you.  This is all new to us so please feel free to share your stories (it’s empowering), ask questions, or leave comments.  We are so grateful for any opportunity to share perspectives that empower our growth in every way.

Peace, Love & Light

A

 

Om…Ohm…What?

Gotcha there, didn’t we. Traditionally, “Om” is the spelling used when referring to yoga and meditation. I’ve also seen it spelled “Aum” and “Ohm,” but Ohm is more widely known as a scientific measure of resistance when it comes to electricity or energy.

There are a couple of reasons we went with “Ohm My Goddess” for the name of our site. First of all, you have AK Pink who is a yogi goddess and spiritual gangster. She can tell you more about herself, and she will soon, but rest assured, she’s the Om of this blog.

I’m Selfish Mitch. My mission with this blog is to help women take back their power by prioritizing self care. I’ve been called selfish my entire life, and it’s only recently that I’ve realized what a GOOD thing that can really be. I’m the Ohm, because women continually resist the energy within that tells them to say “no.” The pressure that they feel to be everything to everybody, the lies that society tells us that we must sacrifice all to put our needs below those of our romantic partners, our children, our careers, and other familial or financial factors. I call bullshit.

As someone who has changed my body and my life through health and nutrition, It’s really important to me to help other women do the same thing. I’m happier these days. I have a lot more energy from focusing on the 90/10 rule when it comes to nutrition. Food isn’t an emotional crutch for everything I thought I was lacking in my life anymore. It’s not my shoulder to cry on. It’s fuel my body and mind need to perform at their highest levels. Is my grocery bill higher than it used to be? A little, but not much. I do spend more time in the kitchen preparing healthy meals, but that’s an investment in myself and in everyone who depends on me.

As I speak with women who have noticed the changes in me and are interested in changing themselves in the same way, one thing sticks out to me and makes me really sad. The at-home workouts I do are anywhere from 22-52 minutes, and the number one reason women give me for not signing up is that they don’t have time for those workouts. These women aren’t wishy washy about the experience. They’ve generally been following my process for several months. They see my posts about how I’ve lost about 60 lbs this year. They’ve communicated that they’re impressed with what I’ve done, that they notice that the tone of everything I post on social media is a lot happier. I’m a more positive person, and it shows to people I see in person regularly and people who have followed my journey online. Most of the women who tell me they desperately want to make their own physical transformation bring up the time commitment, and that makes me sad. It makes me mad. What kind of a society are we that we put this kind of pressure on women to “have it all” at the expense of their physical and emotional health? I see these wonderful women throwing themselves into their careers and into their children’s extracurricular activities. And that’s wonderful, truly. My son is an adult now, barely, and one regret I have is not modeling a healthy lifestyle for him growing up. I was in the same trap. Working hard, taking him to practices, spending time with my husband, and occasionally, with my friends.

What I didn’t do was take time for myself. I tried half-heartedly to stick with going to the gym, but things always got in the way, because I let them. That’s the bottom line, and it honestly sucks to admit it. I allowed these things to steal my health and my joy, and I’m not doing it again.

I don’t do my best thinking and prioritizing while being still with yoga or meditation like AK Pink does. I have your classic ADHD brain, so my mind is clear and able to focus when my body is in motion. I like to push myself hard, beyond the boundaries that my spinal doctors recommend. Trust me, there are blogs on the US Medical System to come. Lots of them. We’re just not doing that today. When I get that first burst of endorphin energy (you’ll see the energy theme a lot on this site) my brain starts to function at its peak level. Almost all of my creative and professional breakthroughs have come while pushing myself to jog just a bit farther, or to finish an extra set of cross jacks, or dancing my ass off with Shaun T telling me to trust and believe.

I’m not giving up that 30 minutes a day for anyone. I refuse, and I want you to join me. Find your “thing.” One thing that both AKPink and I agree on is that we need strong bodies and strong minds, and taking time for ourselves and learning to tell other people NO is critical for happiness. You don’t have to abandon your family and live in a Yurt for a year, but take baby steps. Find your energy, your Om, your Ohm, your strong. Let me know if we can help.

  • With Love, Selfish Mitch

(Oh, and the second reason we went with OhmMyGodess.com ? OmMyGoddess was taken, as was Ohmmygoddess, but we still liked the name, and was already planning on incorporating Mitch’s Ohm energy. I’m more of a kinetic thinker and learner, so it fit anyway. Why is Goddess spelled with one D? That part is simple. Even though we’re sticklers for stuff like grammar and spelling, we’re not rich sticklers who can buy other people’s spendy domain names. So for now, bookmark us until we become wealthy and famous bloggers who can scoop up alllll the domains we want.)

 

 

 

 

Oh, Yeah!

Leaping Before I Look

koolaidman

The Kool-Aid man busting through that wall is great imagery for how I handle things in my life. If I decide I’d like to do something, I don’t carefully research, gather all of my facts, write long pro/cons lists, consult with my family, friends (even if what I’m doing will affect them in some way), check with a professional mentor, or pray to any higher power. I acknowledge that my strategy isn’t always well advised, but it’s the way I get things done. I leap, then I look. I bust through the wall without considering everything that could possibly be on the other side of it; without really putting thought into if that wall will need repair and how I’m going to get it done.

That’s what I did when AK came to me with the idea of this blog. She had been meditating, doing yoga, doing a lot of reading and research on her path, and doing a lot of free form journaling. Since we’re super close friends and talk all of the time, she realized that parts of what she wanted to incorporate into her life were things I was already doing, like prioritizing self care, working on a healthy mind/body connection, and helping other women do the same. She thought combining our ideas and strategies would be really powerful, since we are going the same direction but taking different routes. It made a lot of sense to me, especially because self care and happiness looks different to every single person. What makes me feel whole, happy, and centered can be vastly different from what works for others. While AK was reading other blogs, free writing, and meditating on what she wanted to contribute, I thought up a name, modified it to make it work with what was available and who we are, set up the site, and knew that my content would flow pretty organically from there. If it doesn’t, I’ll work it out. For me, practice makes perfect. I put things into the world, often impulsively, and they come back to me how they’re supposed to. Sometimes they come back in the form of   wonderful things, and sometimes they come back as a disappointment and/or a lesson.

Let’s see what comes of this. I have three posts in the hopper today, because my brain has decided to be super active and focused, and I’m going to take advantage of that.

-Love, Selfish Mitch