It’s been a fucking minute since I’ve felt the inspiration to blog. These past months have been a serious Hermit situation. I’m not going to lie, it’s been rough, somedays brutal, others magical. Being an Empath complicates the awakening and Twin Flame process, but one big lesson I’ve been learning is to trust the process, allowing whatever feelings & experiences to come. I’ve definitely been going through some pretty heavy karmic cycles, but feel them coming to an end and it’s a beautiful fucking feeling. That’s where the blogging block has been, I just don’t know what to write about, focus on, with so much going on in all aspects of my life and the realization of how it’s all interconnected as left me wondering where the fuck to start, what to focus on. This morning, I said fuck it, just write, get it out with the intention of sharing myself to inspire others. I had a serious low vibrational experience (attached is a good infographic of vibrational energy) this weekend that was a catalyst to some huge breakthroughs that required me to forgive, accept and love myself unconditionally and I am super proud of me. If the same situation had happened a few months ago, I would have dealt with it completely differently and that my loves, is when you know you have healed.
So, long story short…I had an opportunity to see my Twin and felt guided to take it. I even did a Tarot reading on it because we had not spoken in over 3 months (the longest we’ve gone in the 7 years we’ve known each other) and as much I am getting to a place where I completely trust my intuition, I’m human and was second guessing myself. But the Divine never leads me astray and the messages were clear to go. All was fine, I could feel he was uncomfortable, but overall the energy was good and I was fully aligned and aware, until the shots came. It was then that my shadow self made her debut and all of a sudden nothing had changed. It was like de ja vu, it had to happen…I needed to see that when I drink around low vibrational beings, I become one. For an Empath, alcohol lessens our awareness of others’ energy, so instead of being aware & able to release low vibrational energy, we absorb and man, did I absorb like a motherfucking sponge, energy and alcohol. One of my patterns when drinking, is to drink more to handle (which i think I’m doing, but I’m not) the energy I’m taking on, lesson learned Universe, lesson learned. One of many to come out of 1 experience, when you are able to step back and be a conscious observer to your thoughts, feelings and experiences, it’s amazing what you can learn from it all.
Next lesson, Karma…there is a 3rd party that has been involved in my DM’s life for a few years, I’ll call him Dick (first name to pop into my head lol), but seriously, I do not judge this person at all and recognize his role as a Karmic relationship. But, that ‘s what he is, a lesson for my DM to learn and it is not up to me how he figures that out. See we all have our karmic lessons to learn and the universe is in control of who is brought into our lives to teach us this lesson. So here we are, drunk and having a great time, when Dick brings his low vibes around. I can feel it, so heavy, and try to get my DM and I away from it. (Side note, I’m just going to call my Twin, Adam, from now on…) When I reflected the next day, I was not surprised this blew up in my face. At the time though, Adam’s reaction and how he dealt with the situation, pissed me the fuck off. It triggered so much shit, which is what Twin Flames do. We mirror fears & insecurities for each other to heal. It’s a beautiful gift we give, but doesn’t always feel that way. So, I became reactive out of fear, told him to fuck off and left. Not how I was expecting any of the evening to go when I walked into it and have to say had a meltdown when I got home. Next lesson, Dick is Adam’s lesson to learn about releasing those who no longer serve us, who/what keeps us from growing. That’s a deal between the Universe and a soul. My lesson, I have the power to remove myself from anyone and anything that isn’t aligned with my highest good. Not easy to do when it involves the person you love most in this world, but I love myself more. I have a lot more to share about Karma and will have an upcoming post dedicated solely to it.
In the 2 days that have followed, I have turned inward. Meditation, yoga, journalling and a lot of fucking tears are my practices to reflect, learn, heal and grow. One thing I did this time that I had never done before, after clearing the emotions, is to watch the whole evening as a conscious observer. I envisioned it like I was watching a movie, in which I was the star, acknowledging emotions as I felt them. This was a HUGE breakthrough for me, as I could feel each person involved. I focused on me and it led me to commit to changing for my highest good. I’m not sure I will ever be able to find the words to adequately describe the depths of my love for Adam, but I will not involve myself in any situation that involves Dick ever again. If I find myself sharing space with him, I will not be drinking, I will not absorb his energy ever again. I will release the need to protect my person, knowing that his karma will play out regardless of anything I do, or say. However, I will hold a space of unconditional love, acceptance and empathy for Adam. Releasing myself does not mean I release the connection, I can’t…I’ve already tried.
In doing so, I find self-acceptance, self-forgiveness and peace. Listen, we are all perfect souls having imperfect human experiences. When you take this perspective, it becomes very easy to love unconditionally, and take it from me it feels like complete and utter freedom. The situation I found myself in Saturday night used to be my life on the daily, as it is most people’s and I was harder on myself that anyone else for mistakes. I sit in the knowing that I am the creator of one thing and one thing only…me, my reality and that’s it. Nothing anyone says, or does, has anything to do with me…it’s about them, their karma, their feelings about themselves. When Adam triggers feelings of worthlessness and abandonment, I’m in a place where I know that it’s not me…it’s a direct reflection of how he feels about himself and if anything, it just makes me love him more. I know I’m worthy of everything good the universe has to offer(we all are btw). No longer will my self-worth, self-respect and self-love be defined by anything, or anyone, external, even my favorite human bean.
Throughout my Twin Flame journey, this kind of night has happened repeatedly. In the past, I would have been catapulted into the darkness. This time is different, it was not a good, nor a bad night. It was an experience, a gift from the universe, if I choose to look at it this way and I do. Every person, every experience we have in this human life is orchestrated by the universe for a reason. There are no coincidences. I amazed everyday at the magic all around me and so very grateful to be a part of it. May you all see the magic around you today and everyday.
Peace, love and light
(P.S. You are amazing, beautiful and worthy!)