By now, our readers should know that I believe that part of self care is looking my best. I feel more confident with a little bit of makeup. I’ve heard mixed reviews about Kylie Cosmetics, so when I got a little coupon code, I decided to take a look.
Spoiler alert: The product is better than I expected it to be. For some reason, I expected it to be drugstore quality with an inflated price because it had the name of a famous person on it.
While I love the quality, the customer service was essentially hot garbage.
This is a struggle for both of us, and probably for most of you. Today we talked about how important it is to think about how you talk to yourself and about yourself. Self love starts from within, and we teach other people how to treat us. We’d love to hear your thoughts.
This is a little different than some of the things we’ve done lately, but we thought it was important to discuss. We’re all about empowering women to live their best lives, and we don’t think that living by a book written by men thousands of years ago is going to get you there. There’s a new crop of young, pretty, privileged women on YouTube who are doing their best to spread the message of the patriarchy, and it’s dangerous af. These women seem to have never questioned their belief systems, and are trying to teach other women and girls to do the same. As we’ve said before, most of the people we know and love are Christians, but the people we love deeply are open minded and not afraid to have a discussion about their beliefs. They’re also not bigots, like Kristin and Bethany seem to be.
We’ve been doing more on YouTube lately, but I just realized we’ve been negligent on adding the videos to the blog. I’m going to remedy that today and post them from oldest to most recent. We’d love any feedback, and if you have topics you’d like us to cover, or anything you want to ask us, feel free!
Here’s a video we did on 4 Key Areas of Self Care.
We are so excited to introduce you to our newest Goddess, Kristina! She’s an amazing woman that I (Mitch) have been friends with for about 16 years, and she and Allison have recently gotten really close. We’re thrilled to bring her and her unique perspective on board.
Now that we’re all living in the same town, we decided it was time to start a Vlog series that is like a round table discussion. We’ll discuss a lot of different ideas, people, theories, philosophies, and, as always, we’ll keep it completely real with you.
We would love any feedback you have, as well as ideas for topics to address in future shows.
Quick disclaimer: We were supposed to have a fourth person yesterday who was going to handle the lighting and the recording for us, but she wasn’t able to make it. Instead of putting it off and not filming this week, we decided to work with what we had and make the best of it. That’s life, right? I took my phone mount out of my car and we mounted it on a box on the table and secured it with a little bit of scotch tape. My Montana McGuyver skills are still sharp. Youtube: Let Us Reintroduce Ourselves Part 1
I didn’t really write out goals for 2018. I didn’t do a vision board, I didn’t do a blog, I didn’t even drunkenly scribble anything on a napkin at 11:55 on New Year’s Eve, which would totally be my style.
2017 actually went pretty damn well for me. I lost a ton of weight, I was doing pretty well in my career, my kid graduated from high school, and things were overall pretty good. I figured I’d just roll that right into 2018 and keep it going, right?
That’s not how it works, folks; at least that’s not how it works for me. I feel like we are fed a lot of bullshit both by people we know and the media about how people just kind of sail along in life with everything coming easy. Most people, even really good people, are really full of ego and afraid to admit when they stumble and when things are really hard for them. I think we don’t even want to admit it to ourselves when we fail, especially if we really fuck it up. We sure don’t want to admit it to anyone else! I get that we want to project our best selves on social media and to people we don’t know very well. In fact, I tend to skip over posts on social media by some people who are always bitching about one thing or another. I feel like it’s kind of a balance, and social media gets really toxic really fast, especially in today’s world. I made a decision to keep my social media positive but real a long time ago, especially since I use it for business as well. Let’s face it, folks, we’re not going to change the world by arguing with strangers or people you haven’t seen in a decade on Facebook. That’s not a thing. If people don’t think you care about them, they’re not going to care what you have to say. I feel like it’s possible to make someone smile or laugh, or even motivate them with a positive post, but calling someone a “libtard snowflake” or a “racist Republikkkan” isn’t getting us anywhere, and almost everything devolves into a shitstorm in the comment section. Peace out, social media comments.
We need to make real connections, and pick our PEOPLE, and keep it totally real with these people. Call them on the phone. See them in person. Hang out, via facetime or by going to lunch. Share your struggles and share your victories. Mourn your losses and celebrate your successes. Build that network of people you love and who love you, and love honestly and without restraint.
It wouldn’t be this blog if I didn’t remind you that you need to be the person on the top of that list. Love yourself like crazy, but be honest with yourself at the same time. I’m taking some time to reflect this week over my 2018. There were some great things that happened for and to me this year, and I also had some devastating losses. I was lifted up and I was knocked down by myself, by people, and by the universe. That’s how it goes. I’m really focusing on feeling the losses and the knock downs as a way to really reflect about how I could have handled them differently. Some of my problems were caused by me, so I need to be aware of that. Some of them were factors out of my control, but I CAN reflect on how I reacted to things.
I think it’s really important to recognize the darkness for what it is and was so that you can truly appreciate the light. How did you get out of darkness? Did you let it slide into your being this year like I did?
This is the time for reflection. This is the time to realize that we can’t really appreciate the absolute highs unless we recognize and deal with the lows.
I’ll be coming at you with a goals blog in the next couple of days, because I believe more than ever that goals and intentions are super important. But for now, I invite you to take a little time to think, cry, feel, and scream. Feel the lows, then we’ll workshop how to handle them going forward.
Oh, hey there. It’s been a while. I’ve been out of sorts. I had a couple more medication changes that fucked me up quite a bit in the past several months, and I kind of hit a wall in my career, personal development, and my relationship, and I certainly didn’t give myself time to grieve the loss of my dog properly. I was exhausted, depressed, and totally unmotivated. I gave zero shits for way too long, and now I’m trying to find my path back to the person I want to be; the best version of myself. I’ve found, though, that I spent way too much time and energy trying to make myself want things that were no longer what was best for me. I was trying so hard to convince myself that my goals should be the same as they were in the past that I didn’t take time to evaluate if those were still things I wanted. I went down a rabbit hole only to finally realize that if I’d achieved those goals, I wouldn’t be happy anyway. I needed to acknowledge that goals change as we do, because it’s tough to let go of things, and that’s totally OK.
It’s hard for me to blog here when I’m not feeling myself, honestly. Our mission is to help women live their best lives, and I was certainly not living mine. Nowhere close. I guess I was practicing self care, if self care looks like eating cookie dough out of a tub. (I mean, I think it CAN look like that, once in a great while, but let’s be honest. Doing it fairly regularly isn’t self care. It’s self harm.) Who the hell was I to help guide anyone else? I was a hot mess. What I guess I really lost sight of, though, is that I’m a woman, and if we’re trying to help women live their best lives, why was I uncomfortable starting with myself? I’m pretty sure there are plenty of people out there going through the same things I am, or who could learn from my journey.
Part of it is that it’s really hard to be totally raw and honest online. The Pinterest/Instagram/Blogosphere corner of the internet is full of people with photoshopped and glossed over lives. I don’t blame anyone for wanting to put their best foot forward, especially in a cruel world full of strangers who sometimes want to make themselves feel better by taking other people down. I find that women, especially, fall into this pattern of behavior. When you’re miserable and things aren’t going your way, it’s a hell of a lot easier to lash out and judge other people than to turn the mirror on ourselves. I know I’ve been guilty of that toxic practice. The nickname Mitch the Bitch didn’t come from thin air. I wear the label “Bitch” proudly when I use my skills to stand up for myself and for people and ideals I love. I’m not so proud if I use it to personally attack people. It doesn’t make me better, it doesn’t make them better, and it doesn’t make the world a better place.
It’s equally as bad when I use my elevated skills of verbal decimation on myself, whether I say it out loud, or I say it inside my head. I’m always up for a good self deprecating joke, honestly, and that will probably never change, but I need to be a lot kinder to myself when I stumble. I need to be a lot more honest with myself, as well. A character trait I’m not terribly fond of is my all or nothing, zero to sixty in ten seconds personality. It’s great to ramp myself up and throw myself into something I care about or to reach towards a goal, but it’s a train wreck when I don’t allow myself room for moderation or failure.
Be real; who else does this? We say, “I stayed on my diet for three days then I ate some fries, so I’ll start again Monday,” or, “I really wanted to start blogging again, and I wrote a couple I’m pretty happy with, but then I ran out of time and motivation and now I look stupid because who the hell wants to follow me?”
The answer to failure shouldn’t be, “Fuck it!” if it’s something you really want. If it’s something that you think will make you really happy, start again today. Commit again right now, and if you stumble, start again right away. Don’t give up, but forgive yourself if you don’t succeed and follow the path that you thought would lead you to your goal. My goal is pretty simple. I want to be healthy and happy. I want to be the best version of myself and I want to help other women do the same. For me, that’s going to require nothing but pure honesty, self love and acceptance, and accountability. I’m going to be honest with myself and right here on this blog. I’m going to love myself to identify self destructive behavior, take some time to analyze why I did it, and find a better way to reach my goals when I start again. I’ve found that what we sometimes think will make us happy isn’t really what we originally think it is. Sometimes, we get so caught up in the minutia of what we are trying to do that we don’t take time along the way to reevaluate and make sure that the place we’re going is still the destination we want to reach.
So here I go again, but not on my own. I have AK and my family, and other amazing, strong friends and mentors to love me and guide me, and maybe I have you. You have me if you need me. Reach out. I don’t care who you are, or where you are in your process. You don’t have to be spiritually awakened, because I know I’m not there yet. You don’t have to know exactly what you want or how the hell to get there, but if you’re reaching for something and you’re not content, hit me up. I’m actually a lot better at advice for other people than I am for myself. Even if I can’t help, I will almost always say something ridiculous and make you laugh and see things from a different perspective.
When we started this blog, I had a clear idea of what I wanted to do here, of what my role should be, and really, what I thought I wanted and what I thought would make me happy. Some of that is still right, and some of that has changed, but I promise, it’s OK to figure it out as you go along. Don’t stay committed to things that don’t serve you. Seriously, knock it off. If you made a goal to run a marathon but you keep injuring yourself, that might not be the right goal for you. There are other ways to get fit and strong. I’m not saying to divorce your husband or quit your job right now, especially if you love them and see a way forward and a future with them that could be fulfilling. I am saying that the way forward might look different than you thought it would, and you need to be open to that.
I have a lot more to say. I want to talk about spirituality and the divine feminine, and I started this blog to talk about gratitude. I’m going to write about both soon, but this is what came out right now and I’m not second guessing it. This needed to come out for a reason, so here it is. You’ll see the good, the bad, the ugly, and the utterly ridiculous here, so strap in for the ride.
Love, light, forgiveness, and an appropriate amount of cookie dough,